'This was some secret test': Weird mom friends shame child-free woman for ignoring baby's cry at a restaurant

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Mar 27, 2024 8:00 PM EDT

Thankfully, I'm not at the age where I'm starting to "lose friends" to parenthood, like the subject of this recent horror story. But I imagine that's a hard thing to go through. You can have all the intention in the world of staying friends, but life will rapidly get in the way if one of you has a kid. It's one of those sad facts of life. Not that it's impossible to stay close, but that it takes a lot of time and effort. It also takes a lack of judgment of each other's choices. Some folks look forward to having a baby for their whole lives. Some folks are child-free and happy. Both are equally valid choices. 

But in this story, things were a little different, since a group of baby-lovers insisted that it was their way or the highway. And they had a real Stepford Wife way of getting that across. Get all the weird deets. 

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  • 01
    "It was like background noise to me"
    via Ömürden Cengiz
  • 02
    020 r/AmltheAsshole u/pupetteer 6d AITA for ignoring a crying baby (with it's mother present) in a restaurant and continuing to enjoy my desert?
    via u/pupetteer
  • 03
    A few days back I was out for dinner with 2 friends. Ann is pregnant currently (ca. 17 weeks), Kim is married for 3 years and currently desperately trying to get pregnant. Because Ann is pregnant, Kim cannot stand the idea of not being pregnant yet and that is all she can think or talk about. Though it doesn't interest me much (as someone who doesn't plan on ever having children), I happen to have developed a good tolerance for pregnancy/child related topics because all my friends are either pre
    via u/pupetteer
  • 04
    A baby started crying in our vicinity and kept crying for a while even though the mother tried to calm it down. It didn't seem hurt in any way, it seemed to be a normal cry for a baby. I noticed it start crying because it was loud and then didn't notice it anymore. I know it was crying because that's what my friends kept talking about but I tuned it out and went back to savoring my desert. The crying was like background noise to me.
    via u/pupetteer
  • 05
    But then my friends notice how I'm enjoying my desert and not contributing to their conversation about how sad they feel for the baby and how it's making their heartache. As in, they were having some sort of 'physical reaction' to the baby crying. I tell them that I don't hear the baby cry anymore. They asked me if I had a hearing issue, so I explained how it was like background noise to me after the first 10 seconds. Both of them looked at me in horror and pity. Kim told me that it is good I do
    via u/pupetteer
  • 06
    I laughed at their comments because I thought that Kim wasn't very serious about her comment, and Ann is going through a few hormonal changes with her pregnancy and deserves some leniency regarding what she says to me. But they both got mad at me. According to them it wasn't something to laugh about. Neither of these comments bothered me at first, but after I posted about it yesterday, I received a lot of comments telling me that they are not good friends.
    via u/pupetteer
  • 07
    I argued in their favor because of their difficult situations. They are emotionally having a tough time, but after what happened today, I'm not so sure anymore. Kim texted me today saying that I need to start showing a little more concern towards crying children if I am to spend time with her future children. When I asked her if my heart should ache everytime a strange child cried just because I have a uterus, she called me an So AITA for ignoring that crying child?
    via u/pupetteer
  • 08
    xnvius. 6d Partassipant [1] the fact you even have to ask this is wild to me. no you're NTA, your friends seem really weird though
    via u/xnvius
  • 09
    pupetteer OP. 6d I'm childfree. I have never wanted children. In the past few years I have lost a few friends to parenthood. And when they tried to exclude me from the friend-group-activities because of my childfree-status these 2 friends always had my back. To have them say these things to me is new. So I thought I'll check if I'm wrong in any way.
    via u/pupetteer
  • 10
    RobinFarmwoman • 6d Enthusiast [8] You're being a much better friend than they are.
    via u/RobinFarmwoman
  • 11
    Sebby Morningstar • 6d NTA lol Ignoring a STRANGER'S crying child does not make you a heartless monster. What did Kim want you to do? Walk over and try to help console a random kid that isn't even yours? Nah, that's wild, dangerous and creepy.
    via u/SebbyMorningstar
  • 12
    pupetteer OP. 6d All she did was sit there, make sad faces at the baby and comment how it made her heart ache. Apparently, I should have done the same.
    via u/pupetteer
  • 13
    Sebby Morningstar • 6d lol nah, apparently this was some secret test your friends did to see if you have the "Mom Sense" within you. You failed OP, so sorry. Someone will be by in the next 24 hours to confiscate your "Heart for a Child" badge. Seriously though, you did nothing wrong. Your friends were definitely being weird.
    via u/SebbyMorningstar
  • 14
    Rare-Parsnip5838.6d At least you will not be asked to bsbysit.
    via u/Rare-Parsnip5838
  • 15
    Nta. DaffodilsInSpring00 • 6d Partassipant [1] Before I had children, I was exactly like this. A crying child was like oh that's sad. Okay, go on with my day. I didnt dwell on it. Once you have kids, though, those feelings change, maybe not for a random child crying, you still notice it, and you'll give the mother a reassuring glance, like I've been there. You're doing good. But for your own child it's wild how in tune you'll become without even trying. I wake up every night 30 seconds to a minu
    via u/DaffodilsInSpring00
  • 16
    pupetteer OP. 6d I have been slowly but steadily losing friends to 'parenthood. They all have a moms-group chat (where I'm obviously not included) and mostly talk on there. So what I do hear is mostly late news in passing. And I have come to terms with it. It's not a lifestyle I want for myself. These were the last 2 friends of the group that are yet to join the parent- club. And I was excited for them to join this new phase in life and be a fun aunt. But now that they have started saying things
    via u/pupetteer
  • 17
    Hot_Box_4574 • 6d Certified Proctologist [22] NTA Good grief, these two. The baby's mom was there so what were they upset about? It's not like there was an abandoned baby screaming alone on the floor, it was a fussy baby who had a parent with it and didn't seem in distress. I'm a mother and hearing a baby cry doesn't put me into a fit, or make my "heart ache". Babies cry and they are judging you for no reason,. Too bad because you sound like a very patient and understanding friend to sit and lis
    via u/Hot_Box_4574
  • 18
    Witty_Commentator • 6d Partassipant [3] I mean, if I had a baby and it was crying in a restaurant, I would be most happy with the other customers ignoring it. I wouldn't want my crying baby to ruin their meal, and I feel like two women staring at my baby with "aching hearts" would probably feel like mom-shaming to me. ☑OP, NTA. (You might want to find a child free friend group. It sounds like your lives are diverging, and if they're going to cut you out for not being ridiculous, it seems like it
    via u/Witty_Commentator
  • 19
    Sorry-Thing7797. 6d Aficionado [15] So because you ignored the crying baby and didn't engage in a conversation about how sad you feel for the baby (who is probably just tired or hungry) you're a heartless person who doesn't deserve to be a mother? Get new friends. NTA
    via u/Sorry-Thing7797

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aita baby child free crazy things parents say friends baby cry moms am i the asshole friend drama parenting childless reddit thread parent Reddit Parenting Fail crying children Parenting FAILS
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